Uncertain
by Crusty Bubblehead
Summary: Spending some time with Hikaru makes Akira felt something more, but how Hikaru actually thinks about Akira? Something happened while Akira was sleeping made him decided to try his luck. (an Akira's pov version of 'Different', AkiHika)


**Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru no Go, it belongs to Hotta Yumi and Obata Takeshi.**

**Uncertain**

Akira's POV

I put a stone at the go-ban as the last move of the game. I heard Shindou sighed as I put it.

I won only one and a half moku over him. It's obvious that he's getting better.

"I'm thirsty," Shindou said, "I'm going to buy a drink at the vending machine. Do you want some too?"

"Yes, I want green tea."

"Cold?"

"No, warm please."

"'Kay. I'll be right back," Shindou stood from his chair and went outside. "We'll discuss about the game after I'm back," he said before disappearing from the door.

As Shindou left, I observed the go-ban. Shindou's moves are definitely improving each time.

Of course so do I, and it's always pleasing to play the game with him everytime. I'm always crave for high quality game and I also curious of how Shindou's improvement each time.

I yawned and realized that I'm very tired. After discussing this game, I'll go home and have a good rest.

I rest my head on my arms crossed on the table, just to rest my eyes a while before Shindou get back.

I guess I'm kind of forcing myself.

Usually, everyday after school, me and Shindou would play some games at my father's go salon and then discuss it.

But today I have to give go lesson to other players, so I had to pass that routine.

When I saw Shindou at the institute this afternoon, I felt excited and offered him for a game and he agreed.

I should've known that I was tired that time. I guess I AM forcing myself.

But I just can't help it.

I'm always in for go, especially when it comes to Shindou.

His presence in the middle of the pro players' competition motivates me the most.

I never wanna missed a game against him or just to know how his improvement is.

And then… since I can't remember when, I realized that I'm drawn to him.

Not just as rival, but I began to like him for what he is. And that feeling moved further to wanting him to like me too.

I don't know what Shindou thinks about me.

I don't know how he felt for me.

We've became closer and more familiar each other, but I can't tell how he actually thinks about me.

Sometimes I can see he pays more attention to me, but more often I see that he doesn't consider me more than just a rival or a companion.

Sometimes he's so readable, but sometimes he's like a locked trunk filled with mystery.

I can't do more than trying to make him notice my feelings. But that often doesn't go well because I feel uncertain about how he would react.

I don't know how I can get my message through.

And right now, I even nearly couldn't think anymore because I'm too tired.

I guess I'm forcing myself too much…

--------------------------------

I could feel cool air blowing through my shoulders and my neck, slowly reaches my face.

It felt so comfortable… must be the air conditioner.

I moved my shoulders a bit, the tenses were all gone. I feel relax and not so tired anymore, maybe because of the cool wind from the air conditioner.

Suddenly I felt something warm on my face.

Gently touching me, moved aside slowly.

It was like… someone touching my face.

Felt warm and comfortable…

Wonder who would… waitaminit!

Aren't I at the institute!?

Aren't I with Shindou!?

I quickly lifted up my face. I must've gone asleep!

"Uhm… Uh, Shindou?" I noticed Shindou was standing beside me. I rubbed my eyes, still felt sleepy.

"Ah, finally you woke up," he grinned. There was a plastic bag on the table. Two cans of lemon tea. I remembered he went to get some drinks before, how long he has been standing here?

"How long I've been sleeping?" I asked, a little bit nervous.

"For some minutes," he replied. At this kind of moment where I just can't read him.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Or were you didn't want to wake me up?

"I was going to. Well, it's very late, let's go home now. We'll continue our game tomorrow."

"Okay." 

What else to say? Okay…

-------------------------------

I and Shindou already left the institute.

"Good night, Touya, see you tomorrow," he smiled and turned to leave.

I turned myself too to the opposite direction.

This was just like a thousand times before. Parting without much to say.

Did he ever felt bored about it? Did he ever want to say more?

Did he ever want me to show more?

I can't read him.

Suddenly I remembered the warmth I felt before when I was sleeping. And how he stood beside me. And what might have happened that time.

But I still can't read him.

Though… I'm tired of guessing. I'm tired of this uncertainty.

Maybe he's the one who should take a good look at me... and read me clearly…

I turned back, "Shindou…"

Shindou heard me and turned too, "What is it, Touya?"

Suddenly I felt like say 'Nothing' and left, but that's not what I want.

I took a deep breath, "I… Maybe this sounds stupid or maybe I was just dreaming, but… when I was sleeping before, I thought I feel your hand on my face…"

I could see clearly Shindou blushed. The mist covering my mind seemed to fade away slowly.

I continued, "Am I right? I mean…"

"Uh…" Shindou looked like wanting to say something. But it seemed that he couldn't.

"If it was true…" I stepped closer to him, "It would've been… nice…"

Carefully I took his hand. He looked nervous and confused. Maybe after this he's going to push me back or maybe hit me… but… what the hell…

"But if I was wrong, you can push me off…" I pulled him closer to me, and then kissed him gently.

This is it… what comes after this will give me the answer to my continuous uncertainty.

I could feel his lips pressed against mine weren't moving. He must be very shocked. I guess I have to let go…

As I was about to withdraw and apologize, suddenly his warm lips captured mine.

Slowly, Shindou kissed me back.

The mist was gone, the trunk was unlocked.

I couldn't ask for more.

As our lips departed, with a little gasp, Shindou whispered, "I love you, Akira."

I smiled. At this kind of moment is where he's so readable.

"Love you too, Hikaru."

**~THE END~**


End file.
